Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Brand New Day

These last few weeks have been abnormally huge for me. To a point that I would consider scary. I know it's been a really long time since I updated this page, but it seemed like a good time to do it, considering my previous habits of mostly posting about milestones. Three milestones in particular, that feel like such big steps forward in life that are leading to an entirely new day in my life.

Also, I apologize if (when) this gets sentimental or cheesy, but that's just the kind of guy I am, so deal with it.

The first milestone was taking my housekey off of my keychain. I know it sounds silly, but it was a really big and really intense moment. I remember feeling every second pass by as it slid around the rings. I took it off because we sold our house.

It was the house that I feel like I grew up in. Not so much in the sense of spending my life getting older there, but in the sense that I felt myself go from being a child to being an adult in that house.
It was the house that I finished off high school in.
It was the house that I started college in.
It was the house that my mum got cancer in.
It was the house that I subsequently got to pay back just a small bit of everything that she's done for me and love on her and take care of her.
It was the house where my brother, some of our friends, and myself went and built steps down the hill in our backyard so that mum could make her way to the tennis court and be able to watch even though she couldn't play while she was on chemo.
It was the house where I decided that I loved and trusted Jesus and that I wanted to give Him my life and follow Him.
It was the house where we crammed well over 50 people into one living room to pray over mum.
It was the house where mum got better.
It was the house where I found so many amazing friends that I know will be there for a lifetime.
It was the house where my friends and I spent countless Sunday afternoons having nap parties and watching Ponyo and every dumb YouTube video we could find.
It was that house where Mikeyy, Doug and I founded Sneak! Productions and made all of our silly (awesome) videos.
It was that house where I cried so much, laughed so much, and loved so much.

Obviously, those are just a few things and memories from that house over the years we lived there. Needless to say, it was bittersweet. I know it was just a house, just a building. But it is also probably the first time I ever truly considered a place a home.
I say all this, not merely to be sentimental about a truly amazing place that got to be my home, but also because it was such a huge step. It was the last place I was a kid. Mum and dad have their condo now, and I know that it will always have a place for me to stay and I'll always be welcome any time I ever want to come over, but it won't be my place. I may have a drawer or something to keep a toothbrush, but my room will not one in the same building they are in. Which is hard and a little scary. It's the first light of a brand new day.


The second milestone is twofold: my little brother, Mikeyy graduated from college, and he's about to turn 21. Again, I know it's silly. People get older. People move forward. Fact of life. But there is something about the fact that he is the last person in our little Evanshire to graduate from college. It's hard to put into words (which makes this medium a little bit frustrating), but even though I just graduated, this was the thing that really made the fact that I was done with college (okay, sort of done...keep reading) real. And again, it gave me a sense of melancholy. Not because I'm sad that he's out of college and turning 21 and all that, but it just gave me such a strong sense of this "chapter" of my life, of our lives, being done. Final.


The last milestone, which is probably the scariest one, is that I just quit my college job. I didn't particularly love my job (the people were great, but I just never could find any meaning in it, which is just so hard on me.) But that wasn't the reason I quit the job. I quit it because I got real job. Like not a job simply to pay the bills, but a job where I'm doing something that I'm very passionate about. And in a way I'm not actually done with college, because I'll actually be working at UC with students that I love telling them about Jesus and how much He loves them and wants to be with them.
But when I walked in and quit that job, I found myself having such a hard time. Don't get me wrong, I was excited to move forward from that job and into this new job doing something I love. But in quitting that last college job, I felt that deep sense of finality, just like I felt when I saw Mikeyy walk across the stage or as I walked through the basement of my old house turning off the lights for that very last time, that sense that I was done with this chapter of my life and I'm moving on to a new day.


So those are my milestones at the beginning of the summer of 2015. And they all happened in almost the same month in such close proximity that it was impossible not to notice. I'm not one to believe in coincidence, so I know that there is something going on there for me to learn, something that God is trying to show me. No idea what it is yet really. Getting it down in words is so helpful, to see so many solid and physical things to show that this time of my life is over. I keep on waking up with that deep sense of finality--not like I'm just finishing a book, but like I'm slamming it shut. And slamming it shut, not because I'm glad it's over, but because it was lived (or read) so freaking well.

All those things that happened that I mentioned earlier (and so many more things, both good and bad) made this chapter of my life such an amazing chapter. And it is sad to know that it's over, that the sun has set on that day where I learned so many things.
I learned that life is hard.
I learned that life is so good.
I learned how to laugh and have a good time, even when it's so hard.
I learned how to see beauty, even when things are so painful.
I learned to trust in God.
I learned that family friends are the most important things you will have on this earth.
I learned that, for whatever reason, my friends and family not only like me, but they believe in me.
I learned to live my life sincerely every day.
I learned that I still have so much to learn.
I learned that it doesn't matter how smart or cool or equipped I am.
I learned that God is hilarious, and He loves to show off to His kids.
I learned how to love, to live, to laugh.
I learned how to see God in the small things, to always be on the look for Him.
I learned that even when I don't get what I want, God is good. Always.

So yeah. That day is over. That book is closed. That time of my life is done. Which does make me sad. And scared. And nervous. But it also makes me excited. And scared. And nervous. Because that just means it's time to crack open a new brand new book, to wake up at the dawn of a brand new day and start living it.